and so 5 papers, 9 days and 64890385692023 words later
it is officially over.
time to seek respite and rest and recupperate.
but with every end of exams comes this screaming hollowing emptiness and lost of direction as you wonder now what step comes next.

sera wants

but seeing that it comes with an immensely heafty five FOUR digit price tag, she is willing to settle for:


but of cos...the former is still favoured

the heavens gleefully unleash their fury while i gaze up into the clouds incapable of pulling out the plug that seems to be keeping everying walled up and churning inside
its a raging ongoing civil war between my heart and my head thowing me into totally disarray
ravaging through all my insides, distaster in its wake.

despondent and depressed
and incapable of explaining why.
maybe i do.
i just dont wanna acknowledge it.

a storm is brewing and i wish i could simply be oblivious to it.
i dont wanna keep worrying and wating for something.
something i'm not even sure of
just something.

things you should never say to a girl that you wanna date
1) you are fat
2) you are high maintenece
3) you should be nicer to me
4) it depends on how you treat me
5) i'll think about it
6) you are so spoilt
7) i did xx specially for you k
8) why cant you be sweeter?
9) can you be more feminine

some males are just spastically stupid. and honestly i dont think my demands are that outragious.
so yes i have been spoilt rotten so live with it. or leave.
your loss.

and people who drive at bishan seriously need to learn how to park properly.
for 2 nights in a row had to squeeze next to stupid cars that are parked crocked and right next to the line.
you are meant to park in the fucking middle of the lot thank you.
and yes if it isnt too much trouble...
park straight.

so its three down two to go and a study break this freaking week to mug for the blasted stats paper which i think i am gonna fail.
no writing for the next few days cos my hand feels like its about to fall off and die.
blardie hell.
havent written this much in god knows how long.
i hate regurgetative papers that simply just sap on your brain juices and force you to just simply scribble vabatim from the blasted text book.
my poor poor hand

i am actually praying for the morning to not arrive
the death knell sounds closer and louder
the shadow of the grim reaper clearer and sharper as its form becomes increasingly distinct.
so in a few hours it all begins
and i am still fretting over not getting anything done
while my poor brain inches closer to saturation point.
words dance aimlessly across the page
mocking my incoherence
and my imability to comprehend the message
since when has my brain failed me so?

i need to focus
compose myself and be calm.
we have all been through this entire drill before
the countless papers we have set for in halls with everyone frantically scribbling away as the air conditioner blasts overhead.
this shouldnt be a problem
but yet it is.

puffs of smoke sail off into the window
disappear into the rain
its silent except for the pattering water droplets hitting the green tarmac and roof
occasionally a splatter would land near my feet
the thick heavy smell that accopmanys a downpour
and i can almost taste the rain on my tongue
run it nervously over my lips

i like watching the raindrops as they fall
the splashes it makes
the strange comfort you find in the overcast sky
that just draws you into its huge gaping intoxicating grasp
and your eyes begin to feel heavy as you fight to keep them open
but your mind betrays you as you precariously slip off into another world
one where you are dancing around beneath the open skies as the water soaks you to the bone
but yet you are laughing without a care in the world.

three unbelivably freaking long hours later.

but seriously, they are good.

thanks c for accompanying me on our crazy expedition.

i am so screwed

the sister showed this to me
and i fell in love with the song.
have decided to let it be my current theme song.

the animation is sweet too so take a look.

someone needs to slap me
real strong and real hard.
i know there are people out there itching to do it
so yes. please i implore you guys to do so.
i need to make real
the impossibility of what i feel inside.

js said to take comfort at the end of the day in knowing that i still have friends who care.
and i guess he is right.
i have always maintained that friends are what make a person
and i am fortunate to have enough of them by my side.

finally assuged my craving for tim sum yesterday.
eating nice food makes me happy.
well for a moment at least.
and a moment is worth an ubelivable amount in time.

my body is finally screaming out after all of the beatings it has taken from me
the long nights i have put it through
and all the physical, mental emotional exhuastion has manifested itself into this blasted fever come body ache that has left me decidedly lethargic and screaming out for rest and sleep.
only that i cant exactly scream seeing that my throat feels like there's a rose bush growing inside it
and as such i am relegated to suffering in silence.

stupid levis wont let me change the boxers i got.
gahh.

...love does not die, even though bodies may perish from the hurt.
love disappears only when you do not understand what it means.
be with me my beloved love, so that my smile may never fade.
theresa chan

i broke down and cried
sobs wrecking through me
uncontrollable as fierce torrents of tears continued rolling down my face
but all you had to say was "i am sorry"
and in the morning light
those words were thrown out of the windown and forgotten.

enough.
until you have something more to give
i have none.